Paradoxical
by Skies-Shall-Rain
Summary: What do the Titans and villains really do "after hours" when nobody is watching? Do they train? Research? Plan? Or do they screw around and do absurd things...? I think the answer is quite clear. -Oneshot series-
1. Jump

**Hey there everybody! This…this I'm really not sure about. It's going to be one of those things that makes you think the author is crazy. Yeah. I'm going to stop this A/N right now and mislead you guys into thinking that I will never write a long author's note *evil grin* DECEPTION!**

**Oh and don't worry; I AM working on Within Castle Walls :) AND St. Robin's Day (St. Patrick's Day special ;D) but I needed to get this up so the plot bunnies would stop demanding chocolate…**

**Also on an unrelated subject, I have had an on-and-off thunderstorm going on since 3 in the freaking morning. I don't sleep during storms; I love them too much. Plus, I just can't. So…yeah. Anybody else felt the lash of freaky weather yet?**

**Disclaimer: Wait lemme check…nope, I STILL don't own Teen Titans. Even after all the disclaimers on my other stories. My imaginary lawyer sucks…**

O.-'

_**Jump**_

O.-'

February 29, 2012 was a normal day. Just a plain old normal Wednesday. Except, of course, for the small fact that it was a leap year.

"DUDES!" Beast Boy ran circles in the common room, waving his arms in the air. Cyborg's car wiped out on the video game, and he gritted his teeth, steam pouring from his mechanics. Raven, reading her book, looked up and quirked an eyebrow; a small gesture that said _you had better have a damn good reason for interrupting me, or I'll throw you out the window. _Robin was actually knocked over by the frantic green teen. Starfire, however, was nowhere to be found.

"Yo man!" Cyborg yelled when Beast Boy paused for breath. "You made me wreck my car!"

"So what?" Beast Boy shrugged off the accusation. "It's Leap Day!" the Titans paused for a moment to consider as it slowly dawned on them that yes, it was in fact Leap Day.

"This day does not logically exist; therefore it should not be celebrated. We should be considering the possibility of a tear in reality that would allow Trigon to return," Raven said ominously, somehow drawing all the darkness in the room to her.

"What happens to all the babies born on Leap Day?" Robin wondered aloud. "How fast do they age?" his incredibly stupid question went unanswered.

"Who cares! It's just another day, ya'll!" Cyborg, ever-realistic, spoke up. There was a long silence.

"Where's Starfire?" Robin asked. The others shrugged and returned to their previous activities; running circles, playing video games, and reading. Robin stalked off imposingly to find the love of his—er, Starfire. As he approached her room, he heard strange sounds…panting, accompanied by occasional thuds. Enraged, Robin kicked the door in to see the Tamaranian princess jumping up and down, sweating and panting.

"Hello…Robin!" she gasped breathlessly.

"Star…what are you doing?" he asked.

"Beast Boy…has informed me…that it is…the day…of leaping!" she explained between jumps. Robin chuckled.

"No, Star. It's _Leap _Day, meaning that it only happens once every few years," he told her. Starfire stilled, breathing hard.

"So…I did not have to jump?" she asked.

"No," he replied. Starfire's eyes glowed green with rage.

"Friend Beast Boy! I must speak with you!" she shouted angrily.

O.-'

**Can't you just see Starfire doing that? Review!**


	2. Expression

**OMG I can't believe I actually found this! Yay! **

**Before you begin, understand; my brain was in a very disturbed place when I wrote this. Beware. **

**Disclaimer: — What is that? What is that, people? Huh? Doesn't the word "disclaimer" already say that I do not claim to own Teen Titans? So what's the point of writing the whole damned thing out? Can't I just say "Disclaimer" and be done?**

O.-'

_**Expression**_

O.-'

It was Saturday morning, and Robin was up early. He stretched, gelled his hair, took a shower, gelled his hair again, and chose his outfit. Cheerfully whistling Ke$ha's "Blow," Robin dressed in tighty whities, navy jeggings, a pink "Breast Cancer Awareness" shirt, red fuzzy socks, and neon sandals before skipping down to the common room to make himself breakfast. Switching his tune to "It's a Small World," Robin opened the doors, grinning cheerily, and walked into the kitchen. Still whistling, he began to cook himself some eggs, threw two waffles in the toaster, and poured himself a nice glass of OJ. As he waited, he tapped his foot and began to sing quietly.

"It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all..." stumped on the lyrics, Robin paused for a moment before simply starting over. "It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all!" he kept singing the same six words as he waited.

_Maybe you should dance_, urged a little voice in his head.

_Maybe I should!_ Robin thought happily, skipping around as he shook his hips and waved his arms to the imaginary beat, still singing. He switched to ballet, then tried to be hip and do a head spin...he failed epically, crashing to the ground with a thud as the world spun around him. A timer rang and a toaster popped out two golden waffles.

"Oh yum, breakfast!" Robin said, jumping to his feet by using his mega badass ninja skills. The world was on a tilt, but he still ran for the kitchen. He discovered that he had misjudged when he ran full speed into the counter, his chest and face slinging forward to hit the countertop before he fell heavily to the floor. Climbing painfully to his feet, Robin limped to the toaster and retrieved his waffles before going to the stove and flipping his perfect eggs onto the plate. Now singing "Firework" by Katy Perry, he put whipped cream and maple syrup all over the waffles and eggs before settling down to eat.

It was at this moment that Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire walked in.

"Uh...Rob? What are you wearing?" Cyborg asked while Starfire politely hid her giggles behind a hand and Beast Boy openly guffawed. Robin stood and struck a pose, putting his hands on his hips and jutting out his chest.

"You like? It's, like, _so_ fashionable!"

"Okay, _what_ did you get into?" Cyborg asked flatly.

"Can't I be myself?" Robin pouted. "Now somebody play some Justin Bieber, I feel like dancing!" he grabbed Starfire and pulled her into the open space of the common room, spinning around while singing "Baby."

"Dude! This is _hilarious_!" Beast Boy guffawed.

"Where's Raven? I wanna show her my new hairdo!" Robin pointed to his hair, which was gelled completely flat, and looked quite girly.

"She's meditating in her room," Cyborg said in a tense voice.

"Aww..." Robin pouted. "Shucks. You guys wanna watch a Disney princess marathon? Maybe Slade can come over too!" while Robin was skipping towards the computer to e-mail Slade, a strange look came upon his face. He stopped and looked down at himself.

"Friend Robin? Are you the alright?" Starfire asked in concern.

"What the _hell_ am I wearing?" Robin asked in shock, pulling on his shirt and staring down at himself. Then he looked into the window and screeched like a little girl. "_What the fuck happened to my hair?_" he screamed to his reflection. Expectedly, it didn't answer him. At that moment, a video of the whole morning began playing on the TV, starting with Robin in his undies.

"Funny, I always took you for the boxer type..." Beast Boy teased. Robin covered his face and moaned in horror.

"How the _fuck_ did this happen?" he groaned. At that moment, the door opened to reveal Raven. She had her hood down, her arms crossed, and a self-satisfied smirk sitting upon her face.

"That should teach you not to drug the tea of an empath who has a mental connection with you, bitch," she said monotonously before letting the door close. Everyone's jaws dropped.

"Dude! Raven...pulled a _prank_?" Beast Boy asked in awe.

"You..._drugged_ her _tea_?" Cyborg asked Robin incredulously. Robin started grumbling under his breath.

"Damn empathy...fuck the link...Rohypnol...thought she'd blame Beast Boy..." he then stalked away to his room to pout while Starfire found a small DVD ejecting itself from the Titans' TV.

"Friends, what is this, and why does it say 'Robin's Gay Morning?'" she asked innocently. Cyborg grinned.

"That, Star, is blackmail."

Robin, hearing through the door, hit his head against a wall. "Fuck."

O.-'

**I warned you. My mind is disturbed. When the disturbedness (yeah, I know that's not a word, but I meant to type it! **_**Fuck you,**_** spell check!) gets the best of me—or when a review gives me a good idea—I will update again! So NOW you can review! XD **


	3. Why?

**Okay, I am back! YESH! This is just a totally random thing that popped into my head...yeah...**

**BUT**

**Before I launch into it, I need to respond to my (regrettably few) reviews :)**

**Juniper Night: Oh he didn't just try...;)**

**10MidnightArrow11: What? You enjoyed it way too much? There's no such thing! Unless we're discussing alcohol or drugs...then you're likely to wake up hanging by your ankles from a streetlight with no memory of the past week. XD**

**Spiked punch: Gah I knew I should have...*facepalms at my own stupidity* I completely forgot to say that this isn't one of my holiday things...it's totally unrelated *blushes* stupid impulse to post totally wrecked my common sense to lengthen the Author's Note...**

**TitansGirl1234: You have absolutely no idea how much of a lunatic smile was on my face when I read your review. Seriously. I could have been tossed into an asylum for it. And in response to the 5 totally random stuffs in your review...1) Well how can you not? I mean, he's Beast Boy! And he's ECOFRIENDLY XD 2) Who **_**doesn't**_** want to be like Raven? I mean, she can pick up a friggin' bus with her mind and toss anyone she hates to where her demon father hides in another dimension! Plus she's totally like "You broke your arm? What do you expect me to do about it, I'm on the last chapter of my book," :p 3) REALLY? That makes me so happy! It's nice to know that my (often totally random) ramblings aren't always like Robin's hair gel—it's irritating how much of it there is, but **_**whenever**_** you **_**try**_** to flatten his hair out so it looks more like a **_**normal**_** person's and not like the spawn of Sonic the Hedgehog, it just goes SPROING! right back into its place due to excessive gelling -.- 4) YES! Besides the fact that blue and black is WAAAAY hotter than, oh say A TRAFFIC LIGHT, his hair's finally in a stylish, non-gelled, and (surprisingly manly) way :3 5) Who cares if you said it before? Here is what I say to anyone who thinks that it is ridiculous to be above the age of nine and STILL be in love with an animated show; go meet up with the French dude from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. He'll tell you all I want to say...YAY for the way Teen Titans has a way of crossing everyone's mind (everyone with a heart and soul!) at random times during the day (like when I'm **_**TRYING**_** to pass my Acc Biology exam and I keep hearing Beast Boy talk about tofu waffles...) and YAY for super-long and totally meaningless reviews! XD**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! Other than the fact that I have a snow day in March...WHO FREAKING DOES THAT? I mean, we have **_**NO**_** snow days **_**all**_** year (well okay there was the **_**one**_** time we were on an hour delay) and then—**_**IN**__**MARCH**_**—we get hit with freak snow! I mean **_**really**_**! Not that I'm complaining, but...March? **_**Really**_**?**

O.-'

_**Why?**_

O.-'

In Titans Tower, things were going normally. Robin was playing a video game with Cyborg and Beast Boy (kind of...Cyborg was kicking ass, Beast Boy was whining, and Robin was pouting), Starfire was cooking (so she claimed...whatever was in the pot was moving, so it could have been an "undercover" science experiment), and Raven was reading (possibly; she hadn't turned a page in over an hour, so how much she was actually reading was to be debated). Suddenly, the alarm went off. Robin jumped up.

"Titans! Trouble!" he shouted, beginning to run for the garage. When he realized nobody was following him, he turned around. "Guys? I said there's trouble. Come on! Let's go!" he called as though his fellow Titans were dogs, waving to beckon them.

"Why?" Raven asked, not looking up.

"Why what?" Robin asked, baffled.

"Why do you say, 'Titans! Trouble!' when the alarm's goin' off?" Cyborg asked. Robin gaped at him.

"Dude, we all _know_ there's trouble. That's what the red blinky-flashy siren light is for," Beast Boy pointed out.

"And if _Beast Boy _knows, then it _must_ be obvious," Raven deadpanned. Beast Boy steamed.

"_Hey_! At least _I'm_ not sitting in a corner _pretending_ to read a book!"

"You don't know _what_ I'm reading," Raven replied. Beast Boy opened his mouth to respond that yes he did, but realized that he really didn't.

"Um, even if my announcement of there being trouble is pointless, there's still a crime going on," Robin pointed out.

"Friend Robin is the correct! Let us stop the evil so I can continue making the dinner!" Starfire exclaimed. Everyone sweatdropped before running towards the garage.

O.-'

The Titans blocked the exit of the HIVE Five quite easily, standing in varied heroic poses in front of the door. Robin frowned at the teenage villains.

"If you want some jewelry, go buy some. Titans! Go!" he spouted one of his uber-cheesy one-liners before exhibiting his proficiency at doing the stereotypical disco dance before he drew his bo staff and charged, stopping when he came to the realization that his team was just standing still and watching him. He turned around. "Guys?"

"Why?" Raven asked.

"Oh here we go again," Robin muttered. And, against his better judgment, he had to ask. "Why what?"

"Why do you say 'Titans! Go!' all the time?" Cyborg asked.

"Yeah dude, it tells everyone _exactly_ when we're gonna attack," Beast Boy pointed out. The others nodded in agreement. Robin threw up his hands in exasperation.

"Maybe I _like_ evening the odds a little! Maybe I _like_ feeling in charge! Maybe I _need_ to make up for my lack of superpowers and weird appearance in _some_ way!" he yelled.

"Man, you just made a big mistake," Cyborg growled, cracking his knuckles. Beast Boy's eyes welled up with tears.

"You think I look _weird_?" he asked in a small voice. Robin stared at the two in disbelief. A growl alerted him to Starfire, whose eyes were glowing green.

"Robin, I thought you could see _past_ my alien heritage! I thought _perhaps_ we could be the more than friends! But you think I look the...the _weird_?"

"_No_!" Robin's eyes widened. "No no _no_, Star! That's not it at all! I—wait, you _like_ me?"

"Robin," a flat voice laced with pure malice drew Robin away from the girl who wanted to kill him. "How can you be so shallow?"

"Now Raven, ah, see some sense here..." Robin squeaked, walking backwards and away from his friend, who now bore four glowing red eyes. "This is just a misunderstanding!" he pleaded. His four teammates charged him. "FUUUUUUUUUCK!" Robin screamed as he raced away.

At least the HIVE Five got a good show (and a victory) out of it all.

O.-'

**Uh, yeah. Second Robin-torture in a row! Review!**


	4. The Book Club

**Yes, this _general_ idea has been used before, so technically it's one of those "semi-original used ideas" that isn't a ripoff or an original. I'm being confusing again...*facepalm***

**No, I did not **_**copy**_** it from anyone (That is against my morals! *throws suspiciously bloody knife out the window* that was not important...) per se, but…well, look up. Not at the ceiling -.- the OTHER up.**

**Yes, I thought it was too funny to leave out.**

**No, that walrus that is suspiciously glowing and singing the Teen Titans theme song is not mine… *shifty eyes***

**WilliamShakespearethe13th****: Oh, it gets much more random. And good question…*very suspicious evil grin***

**redxandraven4eva: At least it was only twice ;D I mean, don't ya just hate it when you find a totally amazing story that's already on, like, chapter 80 or something? Those are the real facepalm-appropriate moments.**

**TitansGirl1234****: Why is torturing Robin so much fun anyhow? Meh, who cares XD it causes pain by laughter and should be classified as an official sport. If the Teen Titans Olympics ever actually become real and not just a bunch of random people running around screaming for a sixth season :p which will happen, mark my words…*hides map to Cartoon Network, a bazooka, and a knife under a rug* uh, not that I MEAN anything by it…*whistles innocently* 'cause that would just be crazy. FEEL THE ECOFRIENDLINESS! *throws random pictures (I refuse to accept that he is pure fiction :p) of Beast Boy at various people* and remember the lessons taught by the masters *holds up poster of Teen Titans* AND BBRAE FOREVAH! :3 I would say until the apocalypse but since Raven's daddy is Trigon and all…if the world does end in December, we the fans shall know why! And I can't help but ramble about Robin's hair gel…it's just so girly when guys love/talk about their hair (or hair in general) and they must be mocked for it :) plus he seriously looks like Sonic got with some random stripper and they dumped the baby on Batman's doorstep! It's like the untold origin of Robin! After Batman finds the baby, he takes him to the Grayson's, leaves him on THEIR roof, and stalks him until the Graysons die, then takes him in…Robin, your past lies :P YOU ARE HALF HEDGEHOG! 2-D men totally pwn 3-D ones :3 I mean, it's just like every freaking guy I know drives me crazy D: and one I seriously want to kill…what? No, I didn't say anything, no murder plans here! You know, I worry about people who **_**don't **_**talk to themselves XD I always suspect them of being undercover zombies…or under alien control. And yeah, either Robin loves being redundant and incharge or the Titans are dumber than we know, so I suspect that it's all Robin :p because it's always his fault (STOP BLAMING BEAST BOY! :,( I scream that every time I watch The Beast Within) and I seriously can't wait for your next review 8D they're so much fun to read and respond to, and I laugh every time I read one XD**

**Disclaimer: GAWD! I own NOTHING, so LAY OFF ME ALREADY!**

O.-'

_**The Book Club**_

O.-'

Raven was casually strolling down the hallway of Titans Tower when she heard it. A voice. Someone's voice...coming from inside her room. Angry, Raven used her powers to fling the door open and discovered something quite astonishing.

"Raven! You—you're back early," Beast Boy stammered. Raven peered about her room in shock. There was a circle of people on the floor at the foot of her bed, and a few people actually sitting on her bed. The empath raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, awaiting an explanation as to why there were fourteen teenagers gathered in her room. Or semi-teenagers, to be technical.

"We thought you were going to be at the library all day," Argent tried to explain.

"It's Sunday; the library closes at four on Sundays," Raven pointed out. Everyone simultaneously checked the nearest clock to see the time; half past four.

"Ah, well..." Jinx seemed at a loss for words.

"Someone explain why you're all _in my room_!" Raven practically shouted. Robin sheepishly pointed at the book in his lap.

"It's the Book Club for Individuals with Superpowers," he justified the gathering.

"And it's in _my room_ because...?"

"It's quiet here," Kole admitted. Raven put a hand to her forehead in exasperation.

"And you have Cheshire, Malchior, Kitten, and Red X as members why?"

"They like the book we're reading," Bumble Bee defended the group's motives.

"And what is that book?" Raven asked. The whole group—Beast Boy, Robin, Starfire, Argent, Kole, Jinx, Speedy, Aqualad, Bumble Bee, Herald, Cheshire, Kitten, Malchior, and Red X—broke into matching grins.

"_Twilight_!" they shouted.

"...Oh great. Now I'm going to be surrounded by idiotic fans of terrible literature all day. _Perfect_," Raven muttered sarcastically.

"_Raven_!" Beast Boy covered the sides of his book, as though it would hear her and be offended. "Plus, it's not _just _literature; we're having a movie night tomorrow!" he whined in protest. "Don't be so _mean_!" At that precise moment, someone else walked in and stood there awkwardly in the doorway, clutching a worn, autographed copy of Twilight to his chest.

"Is it too late for me to join?" Slade asked meekly.

O.-'

**No offense Twilight fans or Stephanie Meyer (although why she would be reading this I have no clue) but I don't like Twilight. In fact, I downright hate it. There are 4 simple equations; vampires+demons of the night=OMG, vampires+sparkly(WTF?)=yuck XP werewolves+trying to eat your face=:D 3 werewolves+protecting a random human and not even trying to eat her face=WHAT THE HELL AM I WATCHING? Yeah. Also no offense to anyone else who has a Teen Titans book club-ish/Twilight idea, I swear that I am not stealing or borrowing, but typed this completely from my own head! If you don't believe me, well, I seriously do not care if you insult me, but I'd _prefer _that you just ask for an apology in a mature, polite, manner. Thanks!**

**(PS, Within Castle Walls will probably be up this coming week—next at the latest—and St. Robin's Day will be up on schedule, JIC anyone's wondering)**


	5. Beware of Falling Geckos

**Okay um...this is random. Like...well, to give you a clue, I thought of it and cracked up. Then asked myself "Why did I just laugh?" and laughed again. Yup. **

**The Amethyst Eyes: Since I have a strict rule against causing my readers to go and cry in corners, I will be sure to do that very soon ;D **

**Juniper Night: I like you equation. I like it very much :D**

**GIRLWONDER: Thanks! Hm…International Hair Gel Day…I feel a stroke of inspiration coming on…**

**Anyhow, I just realized how totally short (and incredibly stupid XD) this chapter is. Not exactly my best work…but then again, I am stressing over the friggin' essay about Romeo and Juliet I have to write (it's practically a songfic! HOW DUMB IS IT THAT WE HAVE TO RELATE SONGS TO ROMEO AND JULIET IN A &*!#%%$&^$&#% ESSAY?) by Tuesday and TOTALLY haven't even started O.O**

**Disclaimer: For like the fifth time (OMG Skies learned to count, mark the calenders!) I DON'T OWN THE TEEN TITANS OR ANYTHING ELSE!**

O.-'

_**Beware of Falling Geckos**_

O.-'

Robin was strolling through Titans Tower, whistling and feeling awfully good about his badass self. He was excessively bending his knees and swinging his arms as he sauntered, like most whistling people tend to do. Suddenly, Beast Boy—who had previously been on the ceiling in gecko form—dropped in front of him, adopted a ninja pose, and started screaming in a macho voice.

"_THISH! ISH!_ mew!" the last part was uttered as Beast Boy randomly turned into a kitten and made "The Face." Robin gave him a bewildered look, frozen in mid-step with his arms in a very Egyptian pose.

"What the hell?"

O.-'

**Can't you just picture it? No really...picture it. 'Tis much funnier that way. And although I didn't write this in, you can infer that Robin falls flat on his ass afterwards :)**

**REVIEW OR THE UNICORN WILL POKE YOU!**

…**fudge does not help with hyperness or sanity…curse the addictiveness of chocolate XD**


	6. Of Tornadoes and Terrorists

**I had a dream last night. There was a guy, and he had a bag of fish. The fish were glowing green. He asked me, "Would you like some sushi?" I replied, "I don't want your radioactive sushi!" "But it's free of side effects! Don't believe the scientists, they don't know what they're talking about," I noticed a walrus in the corner, glowing green. The guy said "...that suspiciously glowing walrus is not mine..."**

**Then I woke up. **

**Yeah. **

**I have been drawing a picture of that all day! It's a walrus next to a barrel of toxic waste, a fish head, and a fish tail, and they're all glowing green. The words say: Radioactive Sushi = Suspicious Walrus!**

**I've been scaring people with that all day. One of my friends laughed her ass off, one gave me a weird look, and one girl I barely ever talk to just got seriously freaked out when I just started rambling about my dream to her in the hallway between fifth and sixth period. I'd better apologize for that tomorrow so she doesn't think I'm crazy...which I am...**

**See what posting one line last chapter did to my mind?**

**YOU SEE WHAT IT DID TO ME?**

**So if you go to school with a girl who was drawing a walrus all day on 3-12-12, you probably know me...hi I'm insane, nice ta meet'cha! ;D**

**ANYHOW!**

**Necronom Hezberek Mortix: Thank you for your compliments (1&2, which made me smile) and honesty (3, which also made me smile, mostly because…well, let's just say the ¾ tray of fudge in the fridge is now a HALF tray…)**

**stormygirl335: :D I think you should know…the unicorn says hi XD**

**TheBlackRose: Thank you! :)**

**Rowin Wolfe: Oh I don't **_**hate **_**Robin; I just…love to laugh at his pain XD **

**TitansGirl1234: YES! *points at a random wall* I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO DOES THE RANDOM ACCENT THING! XD I wish Beast Boy would randomly fall from MY ceiling…*stares up in some pointless, deranged, stupid, and totally insane hope* FALL ALREADY! You're falling asleep? LUCKY! I'm stuck up doing this &$%^&^%$#%^&*&^ English assignment D: that I'm taking a "short break" from to post this chapter…pft. I would go on and on about nothing but since I'm getting tired too, my ramble has abandoned me. Plus I already went off with my walrus story…:)**

**And now the moment you all have been waiting for…**

**DISCLAIMER: Since I wrote "disclaimer" in all caps, the intention of this text can be inferred -.-**

O.-'

_**Of Tornadoes and Terrorists**_

O.-'

It looked like a tornado had torn apart Kid Flash and Jinx's apartment. A red and yellow tornado. Wearing spandex. Jinx realized this when she stepped in the door and was knocked flat on her ass by said tornado, AKA Kid Flash. He stopped and gave her a maniac-psychopath grin.

"HiyaJinxywhat'!" he took off for the wall, where a random penny had been thrown by the force of his running. Kid Flash slammed into the wall and fell backwards, shaking his head before resuming his path of destruction. Jinx watched with wide eyes until her gaze fell upon a very suspicious pile of about fifty very large, totally empty sugar bags and even more equally suspicious packets of instant espresso powder. Jinx looked between the pile and her—ahem—"teammate" as he suddenly stopped in the middle of the room and passed out atop a collapsed table, snoring loudly. Jinx's eyes narrowed as she looked about her apartment angrily.

"Alright!" she shouted. "Who gave him caffeinated sugar?"

MEANWHILE IN THE BRIMSTONEY, FIERY PITS OF THE PLACE COMMONLY REFERRED TO AS HELL...

A terrorist sat in a fluffy, lavender, heart-shaped chair decorated with hot pink hearts, shifting in discomfort at his...er...rather girly surroundings. Towering above him was the demon Trigon, who seemed to be...smiling brightly?

"Well?" aforementioned evil demon asked excitedly, bouncing with impatience (which caused a few tortured souls to tumble into bottomless pits of agony, misery, and fire) as he awaited the terrorist's report.

"I did as you commanded...but may I ask why giving Kid Flash a sugar high was so essential to your plan of world domination?" the terrorist asked. Trigon rolled his eyes and waved his hand in a girly, dismissive way.

"It wasn't! I just needed some entertainment," Trigon grinned happily, which really looked quite demented. After a moment, he seemed to realize that everything around him was pink and swore very loudly.

"DAMN MY DAUGHTER!" he shouted.

"Why?" the terrorist asked curiously. Trigon glared at him, debating whether or not to eat his minion, spit out the bones, and create a dancing skeleton.

"Because her goddamn emotional instability and mood swings gave me mood swings like a PMSing, bipolar bitch!" he finally roared.

O.-'

**So...bipolar Trigon...yeah...**

**REVIEW! OR ELSE…*leaves empty threat hanging threateningly***


	7. Girl of the Day

**Hey! Finally got this up! :)**

**Yes, no reviewer notes :( I wanted to get this up swiftly! So here it is!**

**Disclaimer: …**

**FOR THE AMETHYST EYES!**

**…I hope I spelled that right…XD**

O.-'

_**Girl of the Day**_

O.-'

"Titans! Trouble! Red X is attacking a bank! Let's go!" Robin sped out of the room like someone had set a pack of matches to him.

"You'd think he'd tell us which bank..." Raven muttered as she and the others followed the fearless leader.

O.-'

"Red X! 'U' 'r' under 'r''s't! See what I did there?" everyone sighed and facepalmed. "Titans! Don't go!" Robin tried a "clever" (*cough*CHEESY*cough*) technique he had spent a week working on. Red X easily defeated all of the Titans. As they lay pathetically on the ground, he crouched beside Raven.

"What?" she growled, her hands glowing black as she prepared herself to—

Then Red X laughed.

What?

"Where are you from?" he asked nonchalantly, as though he hadn't just kicked her ass while simultaneously going against all that she stood for.

"Azarath..."

"Really? I thought you were from heaven; you're like an angel to my eyes, baby," he winked. Raven's eyes widened. He was flirting with her? What the hell!

"I'm a fallen angel then; ready to kick the sorry ass of anyone who crosses my path," she said, flinging him away with her powers.

O.-'

ON THE WAY BACK TO THE TOWER...

"Hey Raven, what did Red X want with you?" Beast Boy asked curiously. Raven blushed.

"Nothing important.

O.-'

"Slade," Robin snarled, staring at the TV screen.

"Aw man, we just got back!" Cyborg cried.

"Actually Robin, you shouldn't be so conceited. I'm not here for you. I'm here for her," he pointed at Raven.

"If this is about Trigon..."

"Oh I assure you, your father has nothing to do with this. It's all about you."

"What?"

"You see Raven, I believe the Titans would be better off without you. Join me as my apprentice and you could be my slave, just as Terra was. You can have everything she had...and so much more," he purred, wiggling his eyebrows. Raven's eyes widened, her face absolutely red.

"Um, you're not suggesting that Raven join you so you can sleep with her all the time, are you?" Beast Boy interrupted the awkward silence with an equally awkward question.

"Why yes. Yes I am," Slade said. Raven hid her face in her hands.

"...I'll be right back," Beast Boy ran out. Not too long after, sounds of mauling and screaming came over the video feed and Beast Boy returned. "What'd I miss?"

O.-'

AT BEDTIME WHILE CYBORG SNUGGLED WITH HIS T-CAR SHAPED TEDDY BEAR...

"Hey Raven, if you're still shaken up from the Slade incident you know you could sleep in my room," Robin suggested. Starfire gasped, eyes full of tears.

"No!" Beast Boy yelled, pupils dilating as he turned into the Beast threw Robin through a few walls and into the water with one powerful swipe, roared, and changed back. "Raven's MINE!"

"Uh...what?"

"Shit."

O.-'

**Not my best title, but I'm proud of Beast Boy at the end there, isn't everyone else? Hey, Robin torture is fun, okay?**


	8. Apprentice

**Okay so my granny never throws ANYTHING away. You open her fridge, you get out some "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" (yuck) and open it to see...a mystery! Is it from yesterday? Is it from last Thanksgiving? No one knows! Hey Granny, I can't believe it's not even remotely similar to butter!**

**BACK ON TRACK!**

**I HAD to put this up: it was bugging me that it was just lying around collecting dust.**

**REVIEWER RESPONSES (Yeah)**

**RotatingOwl: I am so glad I made you laugh ;D that's mah goal! **

**GIRLWONDER: IKR? Robin never thinks these things through…and BB was great, wasn't he?**

**luna827: EXACTLY! XD XD**

**Rowin Wolfe: I know! If only he had heard Red X, right?**

**ohyouknow88: Ha! Nah, don't be worried…happens to me all the time. I'll think of a random fanfiction moment and burst into giggles, no matter what…gets me weird looks. **

**WilliamShakespearethe13th: Nah…that would be Robin XD HE'S got whole stories dedicated to his abuse! And I will be sure to do that! I just HAD**

**TitansGirl1234: I know! That was such a fun line to write, ESPECIALLY for me! And wow…my walrus ramblings are appreciated! YAY! And I absolutely wish I went to school with you, too…I mean some of my friends are weird (seriously: one girl is obsessed with horses and one "stalks" me XD) but every time I go off on some random story—did you know some drunk guys went to SeaWorld and kidnapped a penguin?—they look at me like I'm insane. Which I absolutely am. Or when I go crazy about getting a B—not an A, a **_**B**_**!—on a test because I'm crazy-obsessed with my GPA. And I wish I could doodle the Teen Titans! All I can draw are animals…so I guess I can technically draw Beast Boy XD but still! If the schools (and Cartoon Network…and Boomerang…) won't let us watch Teen Titans except at almost midnight, I NEED MAH TITANS! YouTube is SOOOO unreliable :( and my mom won't let me find and buy the seasons D: so…yeah. You know, I think anyone who doesn't wish they were Raven is just...just absolutely mental (yeah I'm one to talk) or a Terra fan…so mental XD RAVEN IS EPIC! And thank you :D to me, that is the ultimate compliment…you know something is great if it inspires you. For example, I think my randomness in writing sprang from one too many late-night readings of your Mario Kart chapter in Pickle Me This, Batman. Which is…? And wow…Sirius'ly never thought about it like that…XD now I'll burst out laughing every time someone says "Seriously!" And this is getting REALLLLLY long…:P but who cares? Where was I…oh yeah! Robin was being an idiot XD especially after BB maimed Slade. Thanks and thanks again; you made me smile on one of my cloudy days :)**

O.-'

_**Apprentice**_

O.-'

Slade was in the market for a new apprentice, and his search had thus far left him with nothing but an abnormally large lollipop. As Slade sat on a park bench, mournfully licking his delightfully sweet confection—that he would undoubtedly use for some evil purpose—and hating on the world in general, something interrupted his moping. Slade put two fingers to his head, brought them down to his face, and found a gooey white substance. Scowling, he shook a fist at the sky.

"CURSE YOU SEAGULLS!" he shouted. At that moment, a very fluffy white bunny rabbit hopped out of the bushes. Slade gasped in excitement.

"A bunny!" he squealed, scooping the poor creature into his arms and cradling it. "You can be my appwentice!" he adopted a baby-voice. "I'll call you...Wuvzie! And I'll be your daddy, and we'll be able to do all sorts of fun things! Awen't you just the cwutest wittle bunny? Yes you are! Yes you are! Come on Wuvzie, let's go back to Daddy's evil lair and eat some yummy cookies!"

As Slade carried his new...uh...let's just call it a rabbit...off into the sunset, the Teen Titans popped out from the very bushes that Wuvzie had appeared from. Cyborg played back the footage of Slade on his arm and Beast Boy landed and reverted to human form from his seagull shape. Raven was the first to speak up.

"So...when do we tell him the rabbit's being controlled by Cyborg?"

O.-'

**Yes, I went there. Did the image of Slade calling himself the daddy of a fluffy white bunny that was being controlled by Cyborg totally freak you out, 'cause he essentially called himself Cyborg's daddy and all…**

**REVIEW!**


	9. Algebra

**SORRY!**

**I DON'T OWN TEEN TITANS!**

* * *

><p>"Raven!" the empath suppressed a growl as her green-skinned teammate (NOTHING more, as she frequently insisted to Cyborg and Starfire during their "interventions" for her about her denial) appeared in front of her.<p>

"What."

"Well..." he smiled widely. "What's two plus two!" Raven rolled her eyes.

"Yes, Beast Boy, I will gladly send you back to kindergarten. Four."

"Neh!" he made a buzzer noise. "Wrong! Technically..." he somehow donned glasses and a suit, pulling up a blackboard and scribbling meaninglessly. "Two added to another two makes twenty-two!" he scribbled out a giant 22, circling each 2 and drawing arrows for emphasis. "Furthermore!" he stuck his finger in Raven's face, and she was tempted to bite it off. "Putting two and two together means you come up with an answer! So technically, two plus two equals conclusion! WHAT!" he held out his hands, his suit and props mysteriously gone. Then he skipped down the hall like nothing had happened.

Raven blinked.

Then she blinked again.

Robin walked up behind her.

"Uh...Raven? Are you okay?" he asked. There was a long, long pause. Then...

"I think I just got mindfucked."

* * *

><p><strong>BAM!<strong>


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